EARTHQUAKE!!!!

So, just a short while after dropping mom at the airport, the kids and I were at the grocery store. They were riding in this cute little "car" shopping cart and I was just turning down an aisle when....rumble, rumble, rumble. Now, back in my hometown, I would think to myself, "Oh a thunderstorm is starting". But now, living as I do in SoCal, I have to re-orient my brain to think, "Earthquake!!"

I froze...I remember saying out loud, "earthquake" so the kids would know what was happening. I was right in the middle of the aisle, at the end of it, and was watching in fascination as the items on the shelves quivered and vibrated. The store was eerily quiet as everyone just froze in their respective spots, waiting, watching.

And then, just like that, it was over. People started to move again. Store clerks scurried about checking for damage, calling to their fellow workers to make sure no one was injured. The atmosphere was almost gleeful, like we had all just had a little cocktail party experience together. People were nervously giggling, all the while trying to act like it was no big deal. This is, after all, the land of the Quake.

My kids were still trying to sort it all out.
"Mommy, was that an earthquake?"
"Is the building going to fall?"
"Did the earth yawn?"

I think it registered 5.4 or 5.5....I've also heard 5.8, but it was over 5, that is for sure.

My daughter has been proudly telling anyone who will listen that the earth danced, and we had an "earthquick", and wants to know if grammy felt the earthquick in Ohio.

I assured her she did not. She just missed it.

A couple of hours later, I got a call from my mom who was on a layover en-route to home. She said the plane had just taken off when they made an announcement that the airport had been shut down temporarily due to a 5.4 earthquake. She and I had just been talking about the fact that we are "due" to have one. I hope there won't be another, bigger one coming anytime soon.

They still weird me out...especially when they come late at night (as they so often seem to) and I am in bed and my husband is gone at work. They always wake me up...even if everyone else sleeps through them. I never can, I always sense them, even the "small" ones. It is terrifying...they come without warning. Sometimes we have them and I don't even know what they are. Like a quick "bang" during the day and I think someone outside has just had some sort of mechanical failure. I never know...until someone says "did you feel the earthquake?"

Clueless.

God, I miss Ohio.....

Still Breathing

Hey folks! Sorry you haven't heard from me in awhile but mom is still here visiting and I am soaking it all up as much as I can. She'll be gone in a couple of days and my heart will be heavy like it always is when she is apart from me. But I take comfort in knowing we will all be together again at (appropriately) Thanksgiving time.

Just popping in to say I have been thinking of many of you (I hope you know who you are) and I may be taking a breather from many of my other "online" activities like Flickr groups. Too much to keep up with and there are other reasons I wish to stay away. Big hugs to Cuz Woot Woot :-)

So peeps, onward and upward. I am here for any who need me. I will come here to my blog as I always do to ponder and reflect on daily happenings. But I am keeping my own counsel for self preservation purposes.

Now get out there with your kids, friends, family and have fun (Mama Sez). I'm gonna get some shut eye so I can wring every moment of joy out of the little mom time I have left.

Jury Duty

Crap! Gotta report for jury duty tomorrow. Forget that I have 2 small kids to take care of. No excuse this time. They said show up and they will provide daycare. Yeah right! I'm gonna give my most valued possessions to the courthouse jammed full with weirdos, perverts, rapists, and FREE daycare manned by people neither my kids or I have ever met. Can they really make me?

I am taking a gamble and forcing my kids to get up early and show up with me in hopes they will say, "oh, you really DO have kids, you can go." (I'm assuming people use that excuse as a way to get out of it and they don't believe people who write in anymore). If they still make me wait, I will call my dh and have him come pick them up (which works out fine since he's off tomorrow, but after that...).

Plus, my mom is coming to visit Thursday, I have to pick her up at the airport, I'm moving my MIL next week, my daughter has a dance recital this weekend. The timing just sucks. Jury duty in California...what a frickin nightmare. I'm still recovering from the whole OJ trial. I would be a disaster in a jury room...I love to argue, will not be convinced by any BS racial tactics, have very little faith in prosecutors these days having seen friends of friends put away on total BS charges while real "criminals" walk the streets. NOT the kind of person you want on a jury. I have alot of bias.

Crap! I better get outta this.....

******UPDATE*******UPDATE*******UPDATE******

NO JURY SERVICE! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Went down there and had my name put on a list with 350 other jurors, filled out a questionnaire, was told to come back and check in again in 4 hours. Sat around waiting to see if I would get picked, and they passed me by. Our county service is a "one day or one trial" arrangement, so if you manage to sit around the jury room all day without being selected, you are let go for the year. Thank you God and thank you all those who sent vibes my way. It definitely worked. Phew! Finally, something went right this week.

And now mom will be here tomorrow so I am a happy camper again. xoxoxo

Dry Drowning

There is a phenomenon known as "dry drowning" whereby you take water into your lungs, just enough that it doesn't immediately kill you, but within hours of getting out of the water, it can be life threatening if left untreated. This is how I feel...like I am slowly going under and I'm almost out of lifelines.

Friends and family tell me not to worry, everything will be alright. Without going into too much detail, let's just say that a big reason I am feeling this way is because of debt. I remember reading a friend's blog that talked about the liberation of finally getting out from under credit card debt. I have known that feeling... a couple of times actually. But then...(sigh)...well, anyway.

Living where I do, in the land where utilities can be billed on a "tier level" basis for usage, and families can be charged over 200% (!) for energy use during peak hours, well, that doesn't help things. I'm a stay at home mom with kids to entertain, and tvs are on during the day and air conditioning needs to be run when it's hotter than hell and WTF am I supposed to do about that? I read somewhere (though I haven't had time to fact check) that if Obama gets elected, he wants to charge more taxes for natural resource usage (like utilities). I can't handle paying more than we already are...can you say over $500 for a goddamn electric bill?

So this is more like a hostage situation than a drowning I guess. We are held hostage by our debt, the robber baron utility companies, my compulsive spending habits (and let's just say I didn't marry a saver, so when you have 2 spenders together it can have disastrous consequences). The whole thing is one big embarassment. I'm over 40 years old for pete's sake, I don't need to be doing this to myself.

This stay at home mom thing has been a disaster....I shop more out of boredom than anything. I should just be taking my kids to the park or something, but it's too damn hot! So a nice air conditioned mall or Target....hmmm...so soothing, all the pretty things. I wish I were a better window shopper....crap!

So with everything going on with my MIL and her move (yes, we found an apartment, but it costs $200 more a month than she is paying), and I'm also worried that she won't get approved on her application since we had to co-sign and not sure how our credit is these days....I'm dry drowning. Suffocating slowly with worry. I'm an emotional basket case. I haven't been on Flickr or anywhere else online in quite awhile....I've gone into hibernation and hyper-defense mode. Snapping at all those who I love dearly....friends, family, kids. Ugh...I am not fun to be around right now. And when that happens, I put it into full retreat...better to just crawl under a rock than be bad company.

I cry pretty much every day it seems...over big things, small things, everything just seems bigger to me. Friends are about ready to kidnap me and take me to a therapist. But there is a root to my problems...it's not just needless worry. It has a sound basis. But it has manifested itself by making me an emotional trainwreck. I'm worried, I'm scared, and most of all, I feel like I have no CONTROL....which is a big deal for a control freak like me. I think I feel the need to control whatever I can since there is so much in my life that feels out of control...like how will my kids turn out, why won't they listen to me, why do so many things in the world make absolutely no sense anymore, etc. etc. etc. ad infinitum. Alot of noise in my head.

Blogging is supposed to be my new journal. A way to release all the garbage in my head. Do I really want to come here and dump on the unfortunate souls who wander in here looking for a little witty blog for the day only to find all this depressing stuff? Sorry, but I needed to. I'm a talker and this is my voice.

So, I'm sorry if I bummed anyone out...believe me, I know the feeling. And I'm not writing for sympathy or support from anyone, this is just me venting because if I don't my head will explode...or I'll drown, or some other melodramatic thing I can manufacture as an analogy. But there it is.

Mom is coming in 3 days....I can hang on until then. One foot in front of the other. Breathe in and out. Pretend it will all work out. I can do this....can't I?

Landlord Woes

Just got a phone call tonight from my dear, sweet MIL, who lives in East LA (NOT a good area, BTW) saying she got a notice telling her she has 3 days to get rid of her 2 cats or face eviction. WTF???? The woman has lived in this Godforsaken hellhole for more than 40 years, helped manage it with her husband at one time, lives on her dead husband's city retirement pension and so-so security, which is mostly eaten up by the ridiculous rent they charge for a building where she can't even have a/c and this is the thanks she gets?

There have been several different building owners in the last few years, increasingly shitty I must say. This last one had the lease agreement with a no pets clause, and she didn't want to sign. But the manger on site assured her that all those who currently owned pets would not need to comply, but no new pets could be brought into the building. Of course she did not think to get that in writing (sigh). And you know what they say about oral agreements...they're as good as the paper they're written on.

So, tomorrow hubby will go over to look over the documents, I will be manning the phones at this end trying to contact the building owner, possibly local media, possibly an attorney (that none of us can afford right now). Good lord! I feel so bad for her...she does not wish to give up her pets or her crappy little un-air-conditioned apartment...it is her home and all she has known for more than half of her life. Again, I can only say, WTF????

On a positive note...we have been trying to convince her for years to move closer to us and the grandkids, in a rent controlled apartment with air conditioning and all the other amenities of a civilized society, but so far with no luck. Maybe this is just what we needed to turn things around. We want to help keep an eye on her, and I understand change and moving is hard...but it would be so much better. I don't know...I'm not trying to be selfish about it. I want her to be happy...but right now she is just scared and worried and I'm sure won't sleep a wink tonight.

WTF??????

Memory Lane

I just bought the Grease soundtrack cd (I used to have the ALBUM, so that tells you how old I am). I am strolling down memory lane, reminded of the days when I would play this over and over in my room, memorizing every lyric, envisioning the movie clips in my head for each song. God I love that movie, and now, so do my kids.

It doesn't seem possible that this movie came out when I was only in junior high, but that seems to be when I would always buy records and memorize all the songs. I even saw Sha Na Na in concert! (remember them?) I have such fond memories of that time in my life....summertimes and staying out all day playing with friends, riding my bike or skateboard, hanging with the pack of kids who always found each other and looked out for one another. We weren't allowed inside, only to get a bite to eat, and then it was back outside, catching fireflies at dusk, playing ball in the street until the streetlights came on and our moms called for us to come in and take a bath and get ready for bed.

This is what I love about visiting my folks in Cleveland...this stuff still happens there! Not where I live..you'd never even know anyone lives in the houses in my neighborhood...everyone is inside all day, no kids out playing in the streets, parents afraid to let their kids out of eyesight, video games being the preferred "recreation" for most ages. I miss the summers of my youth. When I took the kids last summer to visit the grandparents in Cleveland, it was the FIRST time I was able to let them go play with the neighborhood kids (the older kids would watch the younger ones), they got permission to go to each other's houses, and the oldest would walk the youngest back to their homes when they were done. And just like me, they only would come home to get a snack, and then beg to go back to their friends. It was so sweet and so refreshing to see kids actually outside playing! Sharing yards and games and snacks, an unspoken camaraderie that exists between kids just from having the shared bonds of age.

What is your favorite summertime memory?

Water Play

Took the kids to a local playground that has a bunch of water features. The temps are pretty much at or near the 100's, so if we're not chilling inside in the A/C we tend to do water activities (thank God we have a pool!).