Light the Night 2008

So on top of everything else I am doing right now, it is once again time to start using the F word that no one likes to hear.....Fundraising!

I have been a team walker every year for nearly 10 years for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's annual Light the Night walk that benefits those suffering from blood cancers. Diseases such as leukemia are the leading cause of cancer death in those aged 20 or younger...hard to believe, huh?

This walk has special meaning for me since a young lady I worked with when I moved to California was diagnosed with Acute Myeloma...a very aggressive leukemia. She is the person who introduced me to my husband. She died at age 40 and we attended her memorial service 5 days before our wedding. She was supposed to have been our Maid of Honor. That is the reason I began walking....

Now this year, I have another friend who is battling Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma so I will be walking in honor of her.

I know it is alot to ask of anyone, especially in these times of economic uncertainty when everyone's purse strings are so tight (mine included). But, if you can spare it, any amount, even $5, I would sure appreciate you clicking on the link below to sponsor me. It is a flat donation and all donations are tax deductible. I am only trying to reach a goal of $100 this year.

I will be walking on October 4th, so you have until the end of September to donate. I thank you all for considering it....peace and love!!! http://www.active.com/donate/ltnSanta/2501_sdemello

School Already?

I cannot believe both my babies are now in school! Well, Katie only goes half days a couple times a week for preschool, but Michael just started first grade! Wow!

I've been enjoying my life offline, so haven't been around much. I will probably be dropping my flickr groups since I expect my life will get busy with school stuff and studying for the state test. I still plan to stay in touch with a few folks I met on Flickr, and hope that those who came to visit me here will continue to do so as a way of "staying in touch" with what's happening in my neck of the woods. And if anyone ever makes it out my way and wants to meet up, I'm all for it (you can always reach me here on my blog).

For now, I'm finally back to a good place in my life....all it takes is the stability of a routine to put me back to rights. Vitamins are really working well, I'm still a little stressed about budget stuff, but at least now that school is back in session I hope to be working again real soon, so that will help. And I'm just trying to keep the important things in my life at the top of the list.

Peace to all who enter here.....

Don't Worry

Friends of my blog, I just want to thank you for your kind words and offers of "shoulders and ears" for venting. How strange and wonderful it sometimes is to have stranger friends who offer solace!

I visited with my girlfriends today, even though I initially was a little miffed over having to go to them again rather than coming to my house...but once I got over that petty little moment, I packed up the kids, their bathing suits, some lunches and good tunes and off we went.

Sitting outside on her beautiful, tropical patio with the kids splashing in the mini pool and the company of my girls who are sticking it out with me...I can't tell you how renewing that was for me! Of course I launched into the usual small talk chit chat catch up stuff first before confessing that my blues are still lingering. But we talked more about doctors, vitamins, etc. and I stopped at the store later today and picked up a regimen of vitamins (thanks for the advice Andrea!) that I am hoping will improve my spirits.

I am still reluctant to go to a doctor (therapist). I will for sure go and get my hormone levels checked and all that good stuff, but I gotta say, for myself personally, when we took my son to a therapist for something, it just all seemed like a crock of BS and nothing we could not have done ourselves. I have nothing against it for anyone who feels the need for it, but for me, I just have always felt that I have a great perspective on my feelings and usually can pinpoint the reasons for the feelings, just knowing what to do with it is sometimes where I get stumped.

But the love of family and friends is what always works best for me. I don't like the idea of pouring my heart out to a therapist and having them either try to drug me or give me "emotional homework" to work on. I guess if I really felt like I was having a nervous breakdown or shutdown all together, I would do that of course. But I am just resistant to it. As long as I can find another way thru the dark, that is what I will always try first.

So, for now, vitamins, sunshine, hanging with the kids, dragging myself out of the house more often for quality time with my girls and getting lots of love from all you sweet blogger buddies, that will do me good!

Thanks and love! xoxoo

Desparately Seeking Susan

I know she's here somewhere, hidden under the feelings of boredom, depression, loneliness. In exactly one week, my son will be in school full time for the first time, and the day after that, my daughter starts pre-k 2 days a week for half days. Which leaves me with at least 2 half days of not having kids in the house for the first time in 6 years. And it makes me sad.

I will have to keep busy since I feel like just sitting around has been really bad for me lately. Do alot of sub teaching or classroom mommy helping to earn money and stay useful.

I miss my girlfriends who I haven't seen very much this summer due to distance and rising gas costs and lack of funds and mixed-up schedules.

I miss my mom, who only recently went back home. We talk on the phone often. She worries about me. I worry about me. It must just be PMS right?

Gotta move, gotta do something. Don't really want to. The sadness just seems to always be there, under the brave face that says all is well.

"Why do you blog?" mom asks me. Why would anyone in their right mind choose to share such personal "diary-like entries" with folks unknown, or for that matter, people who know and love me and will think I'm truly over the edge?

Why indeed?

Online "friends" are safe...I can cut them out, keep them at a distance, not get invested. Don't show them too much, except here, where I come to write late at night when sleep is but a dream.

Too embarassed to say these things to the people who actually know and love me. What would they think?

Anyone in their right mind wouldn't do that, right?

So I guess I've answered my own question. Better call the doc tomorrow....

I love you mom. Stay around for awhile, would ya? I can't do this without you....