Wednesday, September 23, 2009

And Just Like That....

....it's over. Received notification that my marital status will be terminated on November 13th. Poof! In less time than it took for him to court me, date, fall in love and get engaged, our marriage of nearly 9 years will be dissolved. Forget that there are 2 beautiful children in the middle of all this carnage who still have nightmares about daddy and missing the only home they have ever known. Forget that there were things that weren't perfect, but certainly nothing that couldn't have been resolved. Forget that there was never a CHOICE for me or the kids, everything was just dictated to us. Counseling? Nope. Therapy? Nope. Work it out and keep our family intact? Nope. Listen to your kids telling you they don't want mommy and daddy to break up, and daddy can't you just stay with mommy so we don't have to leave? Nope.

Only choice I got to make (if you can call it that) was where I wanted us to live. Couldn't stay in CA....too expensive and I had no WORK! Still don't....

Not sure how to feel about all this. It is still terribly sad to me. It all seemed to happen so fast. My kids are for the most part doing well, but they (like me) still have their moments, and I'm sure there will be many more to come in the days and years ahead.

So much I could post here about what I believe contributed to the demise of our marriage. But I won't. I will merely say this....the grass is always greener when a woman is involved. But you still gotta mow the lawn eventually....

Friday, September 11, 2009

Remembering 9/11

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Share your story...what were you doing when the planes hit? I was getting ready for work and turned on the news (I was on the west coast). My hubby (now ex) had just started work at a new firestation (he is a firefighter) and I watched in horror as the first tower burned and saw live the second plane hit. I was 6 months pregnant with Michael and so my hormones/emotions were already in high gear.

I remember I didn't want to go to work that day, just wanted to stay home glued to the tv set. And I was calling my husband and telling him that if anything happened in LA to PLEASE run away from the building, not to go inside any high rises. I told him I'd rather he lose his job than his life.....

I have a book with a bunch of stuff I collected from that day. News clippings, magazine articles, the 9/11 video documentary, poems, etc. It is something I have tried to explain to my kids. I remember the story of a man who worked in the Twin Towers. His sister and her daughter (and their best friend and her daughter) were on one of the planes that hit the towers. He was just entering the lobby when the plane carrying his sister and niece hit the building. How terribly ironic. They were traveling to Disney Land (where dreams come true). Just one of many horror stories that came to life that day.

I cannot imagine how hard this day is for those living in the city or for the survivors and their families.

********************UPDATE***********************

Thanks for sharing your stories. Jyl, I am so sorry you knew people who died that day. Liz, I can so relate to the tv thing. And Loony...what a nightmare, huh?

I am wiped out. I just spent most of today (well yesterday now) watching the History channel's annual coverage of 9/11. This time I watched with my son and tried to explain the unexplainable. He couldn't quite grasp that this ACTUALLY happened, it wasn't a Hollywood video, movie or game. He kept getting confused between real and fantasy. Watching it all again (I have really just stayed away from it since then, except for maybe the 1st anniversary) brought back alot of what I felt, but the rawness was gone. It is still hard to watch, but it's like my nerves have healed a little. But I want my kids to know what an important day that was for our country and why. So many firsts that day...first time we had a terrorist attack at home, first time planes had been flown into buildings on purpose, first time civilians were unwittingly used as missles while other civilians were attacked for doing nothing more than living ordinary lives , first time body parts rained from the sky and skyscrapers fell to the ground, first huge loss of life of fire and police personnel on a single day at a single incident, first time we could watch on live television such horrendous events unfold, first time planes were voluntarily pulled out of the skies to keep us all safe (remember how eerily quiet it was?), first time we watched some countries dancing in the streets and others mourning with us over the events of that day. I could go on and on....

Let us all pray there will never be another day of firsts like those again....

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Did you see this? LOVED it!!!! (fast forward to 2.07)

Sunday, September 6, 2009

What I Have Learned This Summer....

  • I am stronger than I thought, but able to be weak and vulnerable
  • My family is the best!!! (but I already knew that)
  • Uncertainty is paralyzing
  • My kids can be my greatest teachers
  • Having time just for me is okay
  • My parents are the best safety net EVER!!! Thanks mom and dad for ALL you have done...I love you more than I can say....
  • I love my old friends, and am looking forward to the new ones I make each day
  • I'm so happy that my kids have found so many new playmates here
  • I missed so much about my hometown, but now I still miss alot about California
  • I'm not as bad as some people want you to think I am....
  • Being a Bitch sometimes isn't necessarily always a bad thing....
  • I look good in black (think about that a little)
  • I love the smell of barbecue and the sound of old friends talking and laughing while they enjoy a meal together
  • Kids will still be okay if they ride without a bike helmet sometimes
  • Being a single mom is scary, but I have alot of help
  • I don't want to be divorced, but I don't want to be with someone who doesn't love me for who I am and will always be. It is sad all the way around.
  • I wish my kids didn't have to go through any of this
  • It's okay if your kids stay in your bed once in awhile, cuddling is never a bad thing...
  • I love people saying hello on the street to strangers...I missed it!
  • All in all, life is GOOD!!!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Obama Drama - Enough Already!!!!

As always, Ms. Sara Holbrook has put into words that which I feel better than I can. I hope you don't mind Sara, but I wanted to make sure those meager few who visit my blog understand how I feel about this, and since you were so eloquent, I am linking your words to mine...


http://saraholbrook.blogspot.com/2009/09/obamas-speech-to-students.html