I am less than 2 months away from being out of money. My spousal support cut off last month (and yes I'm kicking myself for letting him off the hook early..I just assumed I'd be up and running by now). Applying for jobs online SUCKS....there's no way to stand out in the crowd and no way to get face time with someone to show you can walk and talk in complete sentences. I'm in panic mode...and its putting me into a spiral of depression.
I spend all day on the computer filling out applications, trying to decide if teaching will be my final resting place. I hate to walk away from it...but I need to make money NOW. I could risk working as a daily sub..but not sure if I could make enough money to make it work. And the politics of it all really turn me off...I mean BIG time.
The biggest thing I will miss if I have to work in the private sector again.....time spent with my kids. I tear up just thinking about it. I have always been here for them. It reminds me of when Lance used to ask me about going back to work to help with finances and I would insist that the money we would pay in daycare would be wasted and how I didn't want that for our kids. I have been so blessed to have summers off with them, school vacations...quality bonding time. The thought of giving that up makes me sick to my stomach.
I wish I could find a way to make writing profitable...now.....or that I had the confidence in my writing abilities to think I could actually write something people would want to buy. I want to be here for my kids. Period.
Sigh...three years later...and there is still no love in my life. I am lonely and sad and wishing for a companion...and I have had rotten luck with online dating or anything remotely resembling finding someone worth spending time with. I keep telling myself it's not important...but I feel less whole without someone to share my life with.
