Womb for Rent

With all the news about Nadya Suleman and her crazy obsession with babies I have been walking around today in kind of a pissed off mood. It's what I refer to as irresponsible reproduction. I was going to blog about this and vent all my anger and frustration regarding single parents who use their children to collect money (that includes divorced parents who wreak hell on their ex-spouses by trying to wring every last nickel out of them so they can stay home and sit on their asses), but I figured once I got going I wouldn't be able to stop myself.

So.....I am going to try the humorous approach.......

I have decided that my new life's calling is going to be surrogacy. After all, my hormone balance while I was pregnant seemed to be optimum. Unlike other moms I have heard about, I was not on a hormone roller coaster, but rather I was the most even tempered I've ever been. Nothing seemed to bother me. My husband and I often joked that he was gonna keep me knocked up for our entire marriage. Now, we can make our dreams come true.

People pay big bucks who need to rent a womb. And all medical costs are covered. I could use the money to stay home from teaching and get my teaching credential. Full time school without having to work, now that's what I call living. And the best part is, I'd get to use Stork Parking at school and not have to walk as far to the campus buildings. And people are Sooooo nice to pregnant women. I could have it real easy again for 9 months at a time. I'm healthy for my age, pregnancy was not a terrible experience for me, and other than the normal discomforts during the last trimester, I could handle it easily. Plus, I wouldn't actually have to RAISE the kids myself, and no more midnight feedings.

But first, I think I need to get a divorce so I could collect additional money for child support. I'd also qualify for financial aid for school as a single parent with no income who is trying to better herself by attending school. Sometimes, the courts even PAY you to get further education so your ex-spouse doesn't have to pay as much in alimony. Hey, that's right...I'll get at least 4.5 years of alimony payments in addition to money for the 2 kids. And I'm bound to get more than his first ex-wife since she only bore 1 child. I've got her beat. She's gonna be pissed. That's an added bonus.

Hell, if this works out, I could even get my Master's. Things are really shaping up. And don't forget food stamps and welfare, because after all, what good is staying home and using my womb for profit if I'm not gonna get some free groceries on top of it all? Everyone's a sucker for the children...that's why they can't get anyone off welfare, because the children will suffer, and we can't have that. Maybe I could even go door to door asking for cash donations for infant formula like the guy who drove by our house today. Just say the words "baby, child, infant, food" all in one sentence and watch people whip out their wallets. Then, with all the money I'll be getting, I can finally get the living room redecorated the way I want.

Man, why didn't I think of this sooner? What was I thinking, staying home to raise my kids and sending hubby off to work his butt off to keep us going. I could have been doing that all along, plus popping out other kids for other people and getting PAID for it! Or maybe I should slip on a wet floor at work and throw my back out and stay home and collect workers compensation for 5 or 6 years. That would also help me stay home and love my children more, right? I mean, it IS all about the children, isn't it?

I need to hire a publicist and generate some public awareness of my generosity as a mother...then I can make even more money while I'm going to school so I can be a professional student (I mean loving mother). This is gonna be big. I'm gonna be famous. Books, movies, maybe even a Lifetime original movie or a reality show.

I think I'm onto something here.....