Ready, Set, Breathe....

What have I been up to, you ask? Mostly keeping the kids busy with outdoor activities to soak up all the good weather which they have no idea will someday come to an abrupt end. But I have also been having to re-evaluate "what I want to be when I grow up" and other earth-shattering choices now that my life has been completely (involuntarily) rearranged for me. I'm still pissed about that....

So, anyhoo....I spent so much of my energy in the last few months (since April 10th to be exact - the day I found out my marriage was ending and my life would never be the same) just focusing my time on getting through. Getting through whatever days of substitute teaching I could wrangle to put money in my pocket for the moving expenses. Getting through trying to explain what was happening to the kids. Getting through grappling with the end of my marriage. Getting through packing up my entire life (again!), which included a household, 2 kids and a dog, to get back to Ohio. Getting through financial ruin and the meetings with the attorney to discuss the end of my excellent credit rating and the beginning of my divorce. And getting through staying in the same house with the man who chose to end it all for all of us.

So we arrived exactly one week after my son finished the school year. It was a whirlwind, to say the least. I sold nearly every scrap of furniture I owned (at a major loss, believe me) just to avoid the storage and moving costs. I had garage sales like a madwoman and gave away thousands of dollars of things I had treasured and moved clear across the country the first time when I came to California because I could no longer afford to keep them in storage and was unsure what my final living arrangements would be. So all those Halloween and Christmas decorations (believe me, I love the holidays and the kids all loved my decorations) were sold (let's face it, I gave them away, I didn't make much), with the exception of a few boxes I could not part with so the kids and I would still have things to put up on the holidays. All the money I managed to make went toward the cost of the attorney, moving costs (most of which were borne by my parents who thankfully loaned me the money so I could leave), and everyday living expenses, since I was now cutoff from our joint accounts.

So here we were, a mom and 2 young kids (and 1 dog) who had no job, no idea where her life was going, less than 1/2 the amount of belongings we once had, and living with my parents. Not the end of the world, but what a change.

The kids spent the first month or so playing with their friends on my parents' street (thankfully they had playmates, which has been a blessing) while I frantically kept moving to figure out where I wanted to live. I wanted the kids to end up in the school district that was best for them where I could afford to rent a house. I needed to get that all done before the start of school to avoid uprooting them from a new set of friends, since most friendships are formed at school. So within 2 weeks I had found us a place to live and once again my parents were there to help us out with furniture purchases, etc. So now I have gone from having no money and no debt to having no money and a shitload of debt. And still no job. Crap!

So once we were all settled in and thankfully there were kids around us in the same age group as my 2 babies, I was left alone with time to think about "where do I go from here?"

Can I just say that is a crappy position to be in when you are coming into your mid-forties and you had everything planned out regarding your career, family, etc? Well, it is.

I hit a wall. I simply could not muster the energy to give any more thought to doing one single thing. I had enough of planning, moving, stressing out, crying, screaming and all the rest. So I spent a fair amount of time simply avoiding making big decisions. I watched TV, I walked the dog and took the kids swimming and to the playground, hung out with friends and family and just simply soaked up time with my kids.

But now the summer is coming to a close, the kids are starting school in less than a week, and I will be home alone. And still broke. And still in divorce limbo (waiting for paperwork to be officially signed by courts). And still in a shitload of debt with rent to pay and groceries to buy.

Time to get a job and get going. Teaching elementary school at this point is not an option for me. I do not have my teaching certification, there are zero jobs in my kids school district (not even administrative jobs), and any substitute teaching work I could get elsewhere would not give me benefits, which I am shortly going to need since mine will be gone as soon as things are final. Tick tock, tick tock.

Why not get a Master's degree? That way, I could strengthen my resume, take classes online around my (hopefully) work schedule and the kids school time, and take advantage of being dead-ass broke by getting financial aid. Of course, I will have to pay it all back since graduate students don't qualify for grants or scholarships, but hell, what's another $20k added to the pile, right?

Yup, so now I just finished submitting my online applications for admission to the University of Phoenix Master of Arts in Education/Adult Training and Education program. This will take 21 months or less to complete. It is supposed to permit me to "develop skills to work with adult learners in areas such as corporate training, community college instruction, non-profit and community based organizations, human services agencies, or professional development". Pretty impressive, huh? Lol, I just tried to pick something that was broad enough to allow me to work in both public and private sectors that will build on my strengths in both the business and teaching arenas and that will allow me to still fulfill my passion for educating. Except now I won't get to work with those darling children whose brains are still soaking up the world around them, but will be dealing with spoiled adults who expect results and don't have time to play a game of hangman when the work is all done. Bummer, dude.

And yes, I am still looking for a job. Tick tock, tick tock. Scary shit man.